problems of an Indian woman
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Problems faced by Indian women
It's been over sixty years since our country gained independence, but Indian women are still not allowed to move independently. Though woman is worshipped here as Goddess here, people can't just restrain from committing atrocities against them. Women here experience many hardships at various places right from home to working places.
I have heard some time ago that in developed countries like America, the couples do household works together, but it is not the case in India. Here, women have to do the household works alone while the husbands sit in front of the TV or read the newspaper slouching in a couch. After about eight to twelve hours of work, a typical working woman in India has to return home and make food for the rest of the family. There are , of course, husbands who help wives, but majority of husbands fall into the other category.
Another problem that many of the women in rural areas of India face is that they can't move about freely at nights. I am a small village girl who visits Mumbai at times. Things in metropolitian cities are really different and I have thought a thousand times like how good it could have been had I been living in a city like Mumbai. In my village, women can't go out after six in the evening without the fear of being chased eve teasers.
Dowry system in India is actually illegal according to the laws. But the laws imposed have not removed the curse of the system completely. A girls's family is forced to give some amount of money or gold while she gets married. Whatever may be the lumpsome amount given, the in-laws are never satisfied and once the girl enters their house, they torture both the girl and her family, insisting to give them more dowry. Although all the cited problems occur frequently, very few are reported.
The biggest of all crimes against married woman is wife-beating. It is regarded the biggest crime next to rape. Several incdents have been reported in which wives were burnt alive or killed by some other means by their in-laws and husbands. But, as said earlier, the reported cases form only a miniscule of the actual number. I am not saying that there are no one here to take action against these crimes, but I would like to point out that the jurisdiction seems to be too slow in taking actions. There are programs creating awareness amoong people about crimes against women, but you cannot change someone unless he wish to do so. Changes should be done starting from the individual level. The biggest curse of our society is that it is dominated by a pack of male chauvenists, who can't just accept that women are also human beings. Unless these people try to change their minds, this society cannot prosper.
A true incident ( names undisclosed to protect privacy)
I would like to apologise if my words hurt anyone's feelings, but I am frustrated by an incident that occurred in my family. One of my relatives got married to a guy studying in college. Theirs was a love marriage.
After marriage, the guy started to show his real character. He began beating his wife for silly reasons ( for eg. he would beat her if she was in kitchen and din't hear him if he called her). She was working in a BPO company but had to resign because she could't afford to do all the household works and work at the company at the same time.
When she became pregnant, she went to her parents ( according to tradition) and told her miseries to them. Then, this guy tried to find out the sex of the baby. But since it was a good doctor, he din't allow him to know. In the meantime, the parents asked him why he was beating his wife and the man exploded and went out of the house, vowing that he will never enter the place again.
They now live separately and could break up at any moment. But conditions are just too complex. Now, she lives with her parents and her baby at their house. The worst part of it is that the guy doesn't even give them money to live. Their case is still being heard at the local family court.
Do you think it was not wise of her to complain about her husband's conduct to her parents? No? But the In-laws believe it is. Do you think it was her fault that they got a baby girl? No? But the in-laws believe it is. Do you think it was her fault to be not able to manage chores at home and job at an outsourcing company? No? I'm surprised. How could you think like that when the in-laws think the other way around? Huh!
I guess above incident has helped you to realise how serious the problem is. If at all a girl is just fed up with and hate this mediocre society, can you blame her? I am puzzled at how to react at these incidents. You are encourages to post your valuable comments.on how to tackle this problem
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Thank you for your valuable commeny Raj.. I think that man was a sadist to beat his wife.. but you know what? Kerala is having the biggest female to male ratio and female education as well. But inspite of all these credits, this god's own country has defects like what i have mentioned in my hub. Its the attitude of the people that disgusts us.
I truly agree with your article. This is something that I have been noticing from the past many years, the most possesive and egoistic men are from kerala. The wives or partners are not allowed to think , talk or react the way they want. Even in this 21st century, they are supposed to keep in mind about how their husbands will react. Not everyone is in this situation, but most of us are. Its not that we are not educated, its not that we are not from good families. The only fault we supposedly have is that "we are just simple WOMEN"....nothing to be given respect or importance to. Its a sad state of affairs and with this attitude being seen in the younger generations of males in kerala, i doubt this sort of attitude will ever be removed from our society.
firstly the wife must have complained this behavior to her in laws and if they dont react simply walk out from the family as you mentioned she is self dependent and if the husband cares and loves her he would feel sorry and would request her to come back and if not she can live a better life alone than being with that beast
well all that you have said is actually just a glimpse of deeper and more bigger issues that indian girls faces....however i agree wit you totally. there are so many problem apart from wife beating, dowry and eve teasing.
I know an indian family who have a brilliant 21 yrs old daughter and they are an extremely rich family who can afford all kind of luxury that life can offer. yet the head of the house, male of course ,is not in the favor of allowing her to pursue higher education after college as he thinks that it will create problem in looking for a groom for her. how sick is that.
thanks divya, praveen and arisha jones for your valuable comments...
@Divya
Please don't expect such sort of thoughts to be removed from the society... Its something that's impossible because there are people in our clan(Women) itself who are in favor of such thoughts and attitudes.. Sad... but true
@ Praveen
I agree with every word that you said, buddy!
@ arisha jones
Thats so sad. I pity the male for lacking far vision. What else can i say?
our india is still improving in the sense we are not supporting to women in what field they can >> the simple example is given above?????? so plz endorse to women >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It is serious how the women in the society being looked at minority. something has to be done or the conditions would be more serious.
thank you for this article.
THIS IS TRULY HEART-BREAKING FOR ALL OF US.I THINK WE SHOULD PROTEST AGAINST THIS INJUSTICE.WE ALL SHOULD RAISE OUR VOICE TO GET EQUAL RESPECT AND OPPORTUNITIES THAT MEN ARE GETTING.APART FROM DOWRY,EVE TEASING AND WIFE BEATING,THERE IS ONE MORE PROBLEM,THAT GIRL FACES THAT IS '"KILLING THE UNBORN GIRL CHILD."THIS SHOWS THE CRITICISM OF IRLS FROM CHILDHOOD.
I need for problems of woman notes please give me
Its really a common heart touching story. What I think all the people and the organizations of Women welfare and who supports women instead of giving speeches in meetings and rallies (Specially our Ministers) should really do something against the domestic violence.
all guys would be like this????????
This is really insane act to treat a women like an animal.These men should b taught a lesson n some serious action should b taken legally without any delay.I m also suffering from the same condition n mine is even worse.our's was a love cum arrange marriage.Soon after 6 months of marriage i came 2 know tht the guy is havin an affair with other girls also n in laws are also not wth me.
I can relate to this. My heart goes out to your friend. our was a love marriage too. He Hindu me catholic. My in laws never accepted me. My husband changed after marriage and never stood by me. He wanted me to abort our child because he was afraid of his parents - since we had decided to raise our children in both religions. I miscarried with the stress. Now he says he does not want me because per his belief his parents are to be treated like god and he will never let them down.
Our Indian culture is very Narcissistic, when men/boys are terated like gods and when they grow up, they act like spoilt brats, controlled by their parents..as a wife you really do not have a say. It is sad that even educated families do it. My mother-in-law is a teacher, my sistes-in-law are very educated, my father-in-law has roamed the world but they subscribe to 18th century Indian treatment of women... i do not know how we can change it other than speaking out against it to the perpetrators face. These individuals are narcissists and only soceity can tell them they are wrong. They put on a great front outside but are monsters inside the home. My heart is with all my Indian sisters out there..who go through it day in and day out, because hey if you divorce your husband it is considered to be a social stigma in India...
thank you sir
It is terrible how some men do not value women.
We live in a terrible place at a terrible time.
What are we doing about all this? There are still many women harassed mentally and physically....She works, takes care of kids, household chores, cooking....the list is long....and still only gets abuse.....WHY? sometimes even her parents don't help.....the only thing they say, stay calm....in-laws promise that they'll do something about it.....but nothing ever changes....what should a woman like this do? imagine her life...sufocating..........how should she change her life? Give herself a LIFE.....
Today everyone talks about women empowerment in India as to how we women have been empowered. But the truth is we are not empowered at all. If we were so why still bear the brunt of alchoholic husband, why still a woman is expected to take permission of men in the family to pursue her dreams! then why is Female feoticide so prevelent and lastly why are new born female child still murdered by her own mother. Pls if anyone has any answer for this please give it to me
this is insane.... but i can believe this...its really bad...i would like to ask the girl, if there were so many problems going between both of u why did u concieve and did not control ur emotions..if in past u ever thought that giving birth will sought the relationship between u and him, the biggest mistake u did... it did not change anything and now u r sitting at ur place and that guy doesnt even care neither for u nor for his child.... u should have come to ur place before and asked for separation and side by side kept doing ur work/study or and job.... now u have tension of solving matter with ur husband and alone taking up the responsibilty of child and do u ever realises wats going on ur parents.... u live n democratic country i believe...and if u r afraid of taking steps and are afraid of social norms then u shd have stayed there with him in every state ,nomatter wat happens...u r stupid ,u r coward.. i just wish u all the luck with ur baby...
Hello everyone...
A journey from a girl to women is very complicated this i realized after getting married...
Like any girl of a small city i had dreams and ambitions in my life...and finnally i achieved them all ..when I got a job as a software engg in one of the biggest multinational company in india... that was the happiest phase of my life... independence...money... love from frnds and family...i had it all.. and then i met this man... in a common marridge .. he was from LA,Us... he wowed me and i was in love.. nothing best acan happen in a girls life than this... then after 4 months i got married to the same person....
now from here things start changing....i could not get the transfer to us so i have to leave my job...
My husband was the only child,and i enterd the family full of narcissists .... where bahu purely means you are born to serve them.... nd just after 6 days of my marridge my husband fought over me over the siliest thing in the world some thinks i havnt packed....
then i came to Us... very diffrent culture .. no frnds... no famly... nd i m with a person who is pure narcissists... and he thinks that since he is my husband he has full authority to criticizes me what ever he thinks is right...l nd like a cherry on the cake if due to his hardships if i cry i m a week, immature women who is good for nothing....
nd that is not all i eventually found out he has a american girlfriend aka( his x- girlfriend who is his very good friend....according to him)...
m going in my 6th month of marriage and i have seen what indian wives dont see in 40 yrs.... i felt horrifically bad.. nd guess what i cannot evn cry infornt of my husband .... nd did i tell u usa gov dont alow people to work on H4 visa on which ...I am ...wow...
thats my awsome life....
ohh did i forgot to tell you about my dearest mother in law- she loves him some dearly and she keeps calling me to tell me that aurat ka sukh pati ki baat manney main hai....indian auratien ko sab sahney main he bahlai hai..... now guess what how does my mother in law knows that i had a fight with my husband....
coz my deraest husband with all his narcissist syndrome... keep calling his parents and tell then his life is fucked up coz he married me...
my life is totaly changes... i dont have love, money , evn happiness in my life.... i m bound to live with a person who is nagging 24/7 ....
i dont evn feel like calling my parents and telling them whats all has happend with their little daughter.... i love them dearly and evn the thought of giving them pain by telling them how unhappy i am makes me sad....
i just try to be strong ...may be these are my bad days ...and will go by time...
my name sharuti some boys have my number and they are call me what am i do...? please help me...?
Excellent article! thx for sharing........
Hi Broken up,
I can relate to everything you said. I got fed up of the addictive ways of my husband (now ex husband) and his mother's constant control of our lives and constant criticism. Inspite of working fulltime in a top corporate and doing the housework after coming back home, my mother in law found faults with me all the time. My husband never stood up for me and then went haywire with his addictions and when the beatings started I walked out on him and ended the marriage. Sometimes it is better to live with social stigma rather than living with monsters, especially if the wife is well educated and can fend for herself. Life is hard after divorce but it would have been WORST had I continued to stay in the abusive marriage.
I'm not sure where my life is headed but it is definitely more peaceful and I live with dignity on my own earnings however miniscule they maybe.
Yes it a main problam faced by the womens
it is very usefull and touchy hub
thank u very much for such information. i appreciate your spirit to share such. it would give the society to understand the value of women.
it is very usefull and touchy hub
thank u very much for such information. i appreciate your spirit to share such. it would give the society to understand the value of women.
It is heartening to read these comments. Myself a father of lady of 28 yrs old, who lot of beating from her husband. For petty reasons he used to beat this girl. She never told us about this domestic violences, until the happend in our house. My wife came to know about this. My daughter filed divorce petition in Family Court in July 2009. She got a girl baby and baby is 2 yrs, 9 mths. He approached the F.C for possession of baby. Court instructed us to release baby to him two days in a month, i.e First and Last Saturday of the month from 10.30 a.m until 4.30 p.m. If something goes wrong with baby, we will be in tears. We did inform the court that we will hand over baby to him in court premises. How to overcome this situation.
the problems start from the womb itself
the gender discrimination is a wroong thing we the new genaration should stop it
Excellent.thankyou very much.
If a man is not behaving properly and beating his wife so why women cry ?
no body will come and save women ,she has to take action and leave her husband its simple but people get emotional and actually they are weak inside.
This world is full of opportunities and if any one thinks that their life is over after such a incident then they are not fighters.
The best solution is not to cry and ask any men to change, its his wish he wants life like that and the big question is do you want such a life ?
if not move on yaar ,chodo salley ko
enjoy your freedom and explore this world and create your own world
Feel proud Inside and dont blame others for your problems there are billions out there.
i want a women foucking job
I think this is a very informative article, I had seen my friend's tenant beating his wife mercilessly, I rang his doorbell and warned him in tough words, I did not heard about any domestic violence in their home after that day. I think, we should all come in support of women suffering from domestic violence instead of thinking about the whole issue as "Kisi aur ke ghar ki baat!!". Once there is a social fear in Husband's mind, he will automatically stop.
Wonderful article!
90% women face torture after marriage from their in laws. The issue with in laws arises mainly because the girl has to go and live with them. If the husband and wife live separate from their own families, 80% of marital issues can be avoided.
What happens is have the guys family love their son/brother a lot and they fail to show the same love to the girl married into their home. They treat her like a maid, like someone who was homeless and they did a favor by taking her in!
Especially in the Indian society, the girl is expected to do household chores, and serve the guy's family and most importantly, follow their rules of living. She has to give up her own way of living, however nice it might be. It does not matter what class of society, social status, religion, educated or civilized the guy's family is. Their mentality is the same.
The girl is never given the same preference as the guy. They might threw her a few crumbs and pretend to love her. But she will never have the same rights as the guy - she has to submit to their decisions and lifestyle. There is no use trying to make the guy's family understand or expecting them to treat the girl is useless. That's how it has been since centuries and that's how it will continue, esp in India
well we live in hell. Until majority of men here start to make their own life decisions ignoring their idiotic parents things wont change . Men should understand that wife comes first and parents are 3persons .. Men beating wife is because of poor parenting . Yes most indian parents have poor parenting skills. Beating their child in childhood will make him more violent when becomes adult . . Until these men are chained dogs to their parents the wifes life will be just hell. Well i thing its a crime to be born in india . A country which wil never become nothing nothing
I too have seen this kind of situation.I work ,I take care of my kids good , I make good money, still my husband and his brother and his family members always treat me bad.When ever I go to india ,I do all the house work right from the time I step into the home. My inlaws and my husband don'r understand that I might also get tired from the long journey.They all always say bad words to my parents and my family members.My husband says that I can not say a word at my inlaws since i'm the youngest bahu.My husband always takes side of my sister in law.My husband had beated me with slippers just because when he was praying for my kids to die I said that can happen to his brother's kids also ,whom he loves more than my kids. His brother always treats me bad, I do all the work and I take care of kids, but still they say that I'm lazy. I feel very bad. I have very responsible job and I have to do all the work at home and still I do not get any support from my husband .He always says that he will go to some other women.I told my parents that he beats me and my parents went to talk to my inlaws and just because my parents talked about this thing with my inlaws , my husband is so angry with my parents and he shouting at me that I can never enter at my inlaws house and my parents also. My husband says that he was right that he beated me with slippers.I feel helpless because his brother also told him to kill me. I do not understand , I 'm a professional lady and I have kids responsibilities also, I do not have any servant,all the work I do myself, still my husband do not understand my pain.If any day I do not cook food , because I have some office work to finish or I'm sick , he will tell about that to his parents and brother and they will tell him that indian wife should do all the work and if indian wife is earning money she should take care of all the expenses also and she cannot say a word to his husband. I see my husband's brother wife, she all the time says bad things to his husband and to my inlaws, my sister in law, and my husband's brother won't do any thing about that just because she stays with my inlaws.All the expenses for them my husband send and i'm fine with that but i feel very lonely because every one from my inlaws side treat me bad, they don't understand how much work i do, and i also need some rest.
if such incident occurs with any one she could get legal help by mailing details rootsinindia@gmail.com
Hi
I am sorry for not revealing my name but i would like like to share some incidents happening with me and need all your advice regarding this.
Mine is an arranged marriage. I have done engineering .After marriage i am being humiliated , harassed and being beaten for money. My mother in law is responsible for all this. She keeps brain washing my husband blaming my father for not giving enough money for the different festivals.I ask him to allow me to go out and do some job .His mind is always fluctuating. Sometimes he says yes and then when i start my search he tries in some or the other way not allowing me to do search. On top of it he blames me for my incapability of working. My inlaws and my husband want to dominate me in one or the other way. They want money but they dont want me to work. But outside society they show as if they dont want anything. My husband blackmails me to go away and give him divorce. I dont know whether to make it a big issue or suffer for my bad luck to get a husband like this. Once i go out and complain it may reflect my children future that once ur parents have fight like this. I am not able to decide what to do. Please advice me and sorry for not revealing my name .
Truly outstanding researched article........... I am going to share with my facebook friends also.
I'm sorry if this is a little off-subject, but I am desparate and do not know what to do. I am an American man who has fallen deeply in love with an Indian woman. She is in an arranged marriage with a man who completely ignores her and has no feelings towards her. She keeps asking him for a divorce since they have no reall married life together but he will not do it for the sake of his family. And so she is trapped in this loveless marriage. She has said she would like to be with me, but unless he divorces her famliy would never accept her leaving him. So basically she has a choice - either stay in an empty relationship or come with me which means she would never be able to return to visit her family again. I know this will draw contempt from some people but we truly love each other and I want to share my life with her. She tells me that she doesn't know if this could ever happen, but I keep hanging on to a thread of hope that may or may not even be there. Could there be a chance for us to be together and have acceptance from her family?
i got married to a girl whom we contacted through mediators, but after marriage i found the girls behaviour to be totally different which i thought and she is little mentally unmatured also the very thought of the girl give me a trembling fear, hate and so ran off from the house. i want to get seperated plz help..
keralite men are mcps(undoubtedly)..but kerala alson accounts for highest number of unfaithful wifes..now men are getting used to it...the greatest freedom bestowed on eveskind...
Raj kamal 3 years ago
hi this is a really great and heart touching hub. Still cant believe that a man beats the one who he loves. I discussed this with my wife and she tells me that all girls get used to things like eve teasing and harassment right from their teenages. I truly hope things will improve in the future. Man should shed his ego and accept the fact that they are no better than women.